It’s been like two days or so I wanna use that tittle. Hikari (sang by Utada Hikaru), a song which lyric has reduce some of the doubt I have, wiping out my fear and added more bravery into me.



It’s pretty amazing, some few minutes of what-so-called-unpleasant talk can wipe all the nice thing I’ve felt.



These few minutes has been a pretty emotional moment for me. Sheesh, .. I don’t know how to spell this thing out ..



I’m sure this is a pretty rough situation for someone out there. Believe me, it has never been easy for me either. I’m born with these personality I hard to tell, hard to make other understand. At somepoint, I just too tired to tell it again and again. At somepoint I just don’t care what people would say. too bad, as well, there are some points I cannot do that. That’s the point where I’ll be confused.



I’m a person with a low rate progress. I dislike promises, so I tend not to make any which will lead to less credit or trust for me. Well, I don’t value those stuff much either, so it’s been not a problem for me.



Everything goes out of control and turn me mad whenever there’s a need for me to make promises. Would you make the promise you don’t dare to guarantee (other than with your good will)? How would you make a promise which timeframe is unmeasurable? Well, you can have a rough guess of the timeframe or even make a new timeframe out of the blue. But will you be able to promise those kinda of thing?



I myself tend to make promises only when I have a lot confindence of capable fulfilling it. This kinda of behaviour frequently prevented me from bidding a wider range of freelance project. Whenever I want to bid, I will do some research and then make a decision: I can or I can’t do it. I never want to put myself into the risk of unable to complete the project. I would say “I can” if only at least I know how to finish the project. An internal PoC is very useful in this matter.



I don’t have any more to say .. my tears has stop several minutes a go. I already feel better rite now .. But still, I won’t make any promise before I know I can do it .. That won’t change in any time sooner and please don’t bother trying to change it ..



PS:

I delete my cellphone inbox today, and inbox is a big deal for me if only you haven’t know that.